I haven't blogged in months, I'm not sure if it's cause I'm lazy or that my life is crazy. I was reading my friends blog who all of november blogged about what she is thankful for, and I thought I should at least do one post about what I am thankful for, since I feel so blessed lately.
Things have been pretty awful for the past 5 months, Jared has been really sick and we have been going to Dr. after Dr. trying to figure out what is wrong with him. We are finally kind of having success, it's a very long story, but long story short, his pituitary gland is not working, they aren't sure why, but everything it controls is not working right like...... his adrenaline, his thyroid, his human growth hormone, and his trygliserides. He also has a yeast infection in his intestines and inflammation of his stomach lining. I know it seriously sounds like I am making all of this up, how can this many things be wrong with one person. He has basically been sleeping for 5 months, he is totally fatigued, very weak,his stomach hurts off and on everyday, and he feels achy. The poor guy barely makes it to work, he sleeps on his prep. and on his lunch, then he stays at work once he is off to sleep some more to have the energy to drive home, once he gets home he goes back to bed until around 8 eats then usually goes back to bed. On Tues. and Wed. when I work he has to come home to get the kids, he tries to stay up but usually falls asleep, so we try to find somewhere for them to go. As I write this I can hardly believe this is our life. It is so sad to watch someone you love feel so sick and not be able to help them. It's been hard on everyone, my sweet kids hardly have a dad right now, but he tries his best to play video games with them every night, since it requires little energy to do. I was joking around but serious when I was telling some friends, I would have never thought I would ever be thanking heavenly father for giving my husband the energy to play video games with my kids,unfortunately this is our reality. As different trials come your way it changes how you see things and what you are thankful for. We certainly have a new normal now. I find myself being thankful if Jared is just simply awake and on the couch and not in bed. Or thankful he could stay up with me and talk once the kids are in bed. Through all of this I have a huge testimony of prayer, it is what gets me through the day. The way I pray has definitely changed.I am not going to lie I sometimes feel my prayers aren't answered, but it doesn't stop me, I feel as if I almost always have a constant prayer in my heart, I think it is the only way I am able to function.
I am so thankful for my ward, my family and my friends. I can not believe how much they have done for my family. My visiting teachers showed up the other day at my door with a mop and cleaned my whole down stairs, mopped, and folded laundry, they even moved my couches to vaccume under neath them. It's amazing how fast you can clean with 3 people. I was so thankful for them. Some of my friends have also come over to help me clean. My ward brings dinner 2 nights a week, which I feel really guilty about, but I love it all the same since I work a couple days a week it is such a help. So many people have helped last minute with my kids when I am at work and Jared is just too tired to take care of them, or for when we have to go to the Dr.. There have been countless phone calls to see how we are doing, or to see how another Dr. apt. went. I feel so blessed to have such great people in my life, I am crying right now just thinking about all the acts of service my family has received. It has been hard for me to let people help me, it has been very humbling, and I m finally starting to ask for help when we need it.
The one thing I have learned through all of this is that if you are healthy life really isn't that bad. Your health is everything. It takes something like this for you to truly appreciate feeling healthy on a daily basis. We all still have our daily trials, big or small, we have kids to get to school, homework to be done, dinner to be made, bills to pay, jobs to go to, houses to clean,our ups and our downs, and whatever else life throws at you. All of this is hard enough, but to go through all of this and to be chronically sick(or married to someone that is sick) is seriously, I hate to say it but not fair, this has by far been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I'm pretty sure Jared feels the same. It's been really hard for me to make sense of all of this and wonder why we have to go through something like this, and I don't know the answer. I do know that once Jared gets feeling better how great life is going to be,to not feel so alone, to go through all of life's trials with someone who feels good and is not always in bed. When and if that day ever comes I will look at life differently, and when I get down I can come back and read this and realize" oh crap it could be worse!"
So like I said when you have health issues you still have the rest of life to deal with, it doesn't get put on hold. This has been an eventful week. Sweet Derek was honorably released to come home from his mission due to medical reasons, so he is living with us and hoping to go back out in a few months. We had 2 days to get ready for him to come home, so the play room is now his room. My kids are totally fine with this since the Wii and the big screen TV are now in their bedroom. We have loved having him here, he has been such a huge help already, I feel awful for him having to come home but it is and will continue to be blessing for our family. On Wed. I got a call from the school nurse that Krew fell and hurt his arm, so my mom picked him up since I was at work. It seemed fine or at least not broke just maybe sprained or some bruised muscles. The next day he didn't want to go to school cause it hurt too bad , and then Friday he didn't want to go either. Well almost 5 days later here we are, he is still complaining and not using it so I finally took him to the Quick Care today after church and sure enough it is broke!! Of course it is, that is just my luck. I feel like a horrible mother. Krew Said" See I did have a reason to be complaining!" Its broke at the top of his arm, up by the shoulder so we need to go and see an orthopedic surgeon, like yesterday! Hopefully I can get him in to one tomorrow, poor kid! One of my friends said I am really good at making Dr. apts. so it should be easy for me to do.
Well I have definitely made up for the months of not posting, man I guess this might have been therapy for me to just write and write. Well as crappy as things might seem, I truly feel blessed and I love my family.
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