"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
I really liked this quote because it so easy to get hung up on how life isn't fair and nothing is going how I planned or how I envisioned my life being right now. I just got home from our wards trunk-or-treat that I took my kids to by myself. I got them all ready hair and make-up, they were so excited to go, unfortunately Jared didn't feel well enough to go when it was time to leave. I was so bummed, the poor guy has grown out a mustache for his costume for this stinkin thing! Seriously it's so hard to not get discouraged why can't we catch a break and why can't he get fully better?! I've been trying hard to stay positive despite how hard my life is but days like this make it difficult. Jared is doing better, but he is still not that great, everyday for him is a struggle and he pretty much fakes it all the time, and I love him for that. If things weren't so bad last year and the beginning of this one I would say things are awful but compared to then things are way better. He isn't sleeping on his lunches or staying after work to sleep to be able to drive home to only go to bed once he got home, but he still doesn't have much energy and feels like crap everyday. Work is all he can handle(barely), which at least he can work, but I can't imagine feeling completely exhausted and achy everyday of life, it really is hard for me to watch knowing he is so miserable, he is good at trying to go to things and helping with the kids more but it's hard for him. Soccer on saturdays wipes him out but at least he is there, some times he leaves early to go home and sleep but he has been to almost all the games this season. I can't believe it has been 16 months since he has been this way, I guess time flies when you are living in chaos, but it does seem like forever since I have seen the old Jared, which makes me sad for both of us. A lot of people say how good he is doing and how good he seems, what they don't realize is if you are seeing him most likely he just got up from a nap to give him the energy to go wherever we are going and the second we get home he is back in bed, but at least he is going to events or whatever it is we have to do. I have learned to be greatful for whatever help he can offer, I can't believe how much easier life is for me when he has the energy to help, I feel sooo bad for single parents, it's truly is awful doing it all on your own.
I loved Pres. Uchtdorfs talk at the General RS meeting about the forget me not flower and the 5 things the petals represent. I loved all the things the petals represent but my favorite one was not to wait for your golden ticket in life and to basically be happy with your life now and where you are at, not always thinking it will get better or be better someday, we need to enjoy it now. That was good for me to be reminded of that, to try to be happy and not to get down or be negative. I need to accept the way my life is and be happy, and enjoy my kids now, not to keep thinking I will be happy once Jared is better, cause who knows when that will be. So for now I just need to count my blessings and smile! I have found that serving others and Jared helps me to be happier and to forget about my own problems or how hard my life is. I am so thankful for this talk. If you didn't hear his talk it is amazing and definitely worth looking up online or reading it.
1 comment:
I love you Toni Ogden. You amaze me every day! You and Jared are always in our prayers!!!
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